Review: Look At You- TAYLOR TOMLINSON

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Loved her confidence on stage

Stream it on: Netflix

Duration: 60 minutes

Taylor Tomlinson clearly had it enough in life and is all set to capitalize on her misery. She literally calls out everyone responsible for her mental state and you can’t help but laugh. Yes! You will laugh so much that you would cry. Tears of joy? nahh or maybe. But! While laughing you would start relating to her stories and could start actually feeling the pain. You won’t realize when the sympathy would turn into empathy. You would be crying because now you not only feel sorry for her but also for yourself. You would want to give yourself a BIG HUG. You would want to tell yourself, “honey, this shall pass too. Just hang in there.” You would start feeling like to have yourself as a friend of you, to hold your hand and just be.

This one-hour of Netflix special will take you to different points of your chronosystem and will reaffirm your confidence in therapy. You would feel proud for taking professional help and if you don’t already, I’m judging you super hard babe.

My two useless cents- Watch it for the experience. Watch it to be a part of her story. Watch it for your story. Watch it to get confused if your tears are tears of joy or agony.

Do let me know your views on it if you have watched. If not, would you stream it or pass it?

*Smile, you are beautiful.*

Friendship day: Indian Version

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Come on, friendship day is special and we all can agree on this. Especially in India because it’s not just a friendship day! It’s a clever move day. It’s an excuse to approach your crush and dude getting friend-zoned it much better than getting bro-zoned because right after this comes Rakshabandhan. A Hindu festival, on which sisters of all ages tie a talisman, or amulet, called the rakhi, around the wrists of their brothers, symbolically protecting them, receiving a gift in return, and traditionally investing the brothers with a share of the responsibility of their potential care.

I remember in my primary school, my gang was quite an OG. Hahaha, we felt really cool sporting those friendship bands. Also because it represented how many people had crushes on us. Hiding the bands from our teachers’ eyes was a real adventurous task. Every kiddo of my age cherish these memories but I won’t write more about friends and slip deep into nostalgia.

I want to write about friendship rather friends. The bond of pure love, honesty and respect. Think about it, any relationship can become more positive if the people of that relationship share the bond of friendship. Parents and their children come closer if parents agree to understand them like thier friends. Partners in a romantic relationship become more vocal and understanding if they are friends to each other, before being a better half. A student understands more, if she/he sees a friend in teacher. Of course, this doesn’t mean that a parent or teacher shouldn’t exercise their authority whenever required. They should because they are also a guide to their younger ones. The whole point is that both the people of relationship should be comfortable enough to put forward their views. They should be able to have an honest conversation. In India, being that comfortable with younger generation isn’t much in practice. That, somehow, results in awkwardness between them and everyone just tries to escape from that awkwardness. But once anyone breaks the ice, the reward is so fulfilling that no one would want to go back in previous place.

Amoung many other characteristics of being a good friend, one is to always have the back of each other and giving space for growth. Nothing only professionally but also emotionally/spiritually. Friends accept each other in each and every case along with being comfortable with pointing out or accepting criticism.

And I am grateful for having such good friends. They are not only good human beings but also always there to support me. You must be having some of those too, please protect them. Never repel them. Analyze their positive criticism and then decide if you really want to follow or not. Be open to them and also available to help them. Also keep a tap who is genuinely trying to be friends with you like your parents. Your one step towards them could mean world to them.

https://images.app.goo.gl/5PHk4GUpZzNMdcqf9

Equality, really?

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Is your mom really equal to your dad ?

Are you really equal to your husband?

Are sisters, really equal to their brothers?

These are some questions that are lately disturbing me very much .

I won’t take you to the most remote rural points of India. We all know what’s the situation there regarding gender inequality. After-all what do you expect from a region which has low literacy rate and resources. But I want to take you to the urban areas. Where people not only have access to excess resources but are also educated.

Why am I targeting already developed areas?

Do you guys remember Green Revolution? It was an initiative for the development of India. It focussed on the areas which already had resources so that India could develop at faster rate, rather than focusing on the poor because that time there was a huge gap between rich and poor and India wanted to stand on it’s feet asap. Today also a similar contrast exists but India is certainly in a far better place as compared to past. With the world coming closer through the technological advancements, if the examples are set right for the people of rural India by the urban India the possibility of upgraded conditions of women increases. For example, the movie like “TOILET: ek prem katha” meant for rural India was proved to be successful to encourage people to use toilets. It not only made women realise that not having a proper sanitation system invites many diseases but also moved the men of the society that they themselves decided to use toilets. People in villages, imitate people living in cities as for them it’s a sign of progress which eventually earns them respect. Exactly in the same way, how US hegemony works in cultural aspects.

But, often “educated” people behave in the most illiterate way . We get news like Famous man telling a journalist to come to work in her underwear to be equal to men! or how an MLA raped a minor, and sadly the list of such gross news goes on and on. If we shift our gaze from outside to inside our homes, we can see that the women and men ain’t really equal! Most of you will might say, “it’s not true”, without having any second thoughts. But I want you guys to answer after thinking for a few seconds. For eg, does your dad ask your mom before inviting his friends for a dinner which she would be cooking? Or is she simply told to prepare dinner for the guests?

You know, in situations like these, the dominance is visible. It’s unconscious. It’s something that comes naturally. Men are believed to be leaders but my question is why? A home was made up by husband and wife then why the leader is only the husband? Do we really need a leader of home? If he is a leader then what is the status of his wife?

All these actions that are born from unconscious mind really needs a GPS system to locate their roots. It’s high time to realize the problem and work on it. The mindset needs to be changed. The young generation can bring the change as the respected elders are now too set in their ways. They have to become adamant about what they need. They need to put their demands on what kind of world they want, forward. They have to become stubborn.  The educated section needs to bring their education into real use. They have to teach everyone what’s actually right and what’s wrong!

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Have you ever encountered an act of discrimination being performed unconsciously?

Compassion Is Conflicted!

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When I started to think on this topic, my curiosity made me google the exact meaning of compassion. The first result said, compassion literally means to “suffer together”.

My novice mind has always thought that compassion is a synonym of empathy. But the article by Emma Seppälä Ph.D. cleared my doubts. She wrote, Empathy, as defined by researchers, is the visceral or emotional experience of another person’s feelings. It is, in a sense, an automatic mirroring of another’s emotion, like tearing up at a friend’s sadness. Altruism is an action that benefits someone else. It may or may not be accompanied by empathy or compassion, for example in the case of making a donation for tax purposes. Although these terms are related to compassion, they are not identical. Compassion often does, of course, involve an empathic response and altruistic behavior. However, compassion is defined as the emotional response when perceiving suffering and involves an authentic desire to help.

I do realize the benefits of being a compassionate being but I am always conflicted, weather to be compassionate or to look if it’s in my favor or not. Compassion is defiantly a natural trait but as we grow up our this natural trait gets mixed with another natural trait, i.e. survival instincts . As Keltner explained that the term “survival of the fittest,” often attributed to Charles Darwin, was actually coined by Herbert Spencer and Social Darwinists who wished to justify class and race superiority. But, lesser known fact is that Darwin’s work is best described with the phrase “survival of the kindest.” Indeed in The Descent of Man and Selection In Relation to Sex, Darwin argued for “the greater strength of the social or maternal instincts than that of any other instinct or motive.” In another passage, he comments that “communities, which included the greatest number of the most sympathetic members, would flourish best, and rear the greatest number of offspring.” Compassion may indeed be a naturally evolved and adaptive trait. Without it, the survival and flourishing of our species would have been unlikely.

Coming to a conclusion is very confusing and difficult to me because as much as being morally correct is important, no one would want anything negative in his/her life. One can say that having a balance might be an holistic option but what defines the accurate balance? It’s very ambiguous. Everyone has their own quantities and their own version of ‘perfect balance’.

I want to know what is your perfect balance?

Tip for the Day 1: Ask this to your Partner

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“Honey, what can I do to make you feel better?”

Create a safe space to talk and take your partner into confidence. Ask his/her, “honey, what can I do to make you feel better?”

Our moral science books have several times thrown light over the fact that it’s easier to complain but we always find it hard to acknowledge this. In this self centric and fast moving world, we want a partner who can mould himself/herself into our structure, our time and our stencil and if this doesn’t happen then we go on to hunt for someone else because the better one is just a swipe away. For a change, except complaining, ask your partner to point out things that she/he finds troubling. Sometimes, we just refuse to accept that we could be wrong and in the process of demanding happiness and validation, we forget to give happiness to the other person. And maybe you are not wrong in a particular situation but it’s possible that your partner might have interpreted your action into something else. Talk it out and discuss the possible solutions. Make sure, at the end you both are ready to work on it other than feeling bad about the raised issues.

I can’t stress enough over the fact that, saving a relationship is the job of two people of the relationship and not one. You both have to work upon it. You have to accept that the personality of the other person would change with time and experiences. Accept that you both are two people and would, naturally, be different. Being in love doesn’t mean to become one, literally. It means to stick with your partner and encourage him/her. Take interest and respect the work of the other person as you respect yours’. You both have to grow together but without loosing your own individuality. A Healthy discussion is the key to solve any problem and trust me, you won’t go anywhere complaining about things.

If you try this exercise, do let me know in comment section. You can also DM me on Instagram. My username is @vidishakaithal.

FIRST HAND INFORMATION OF HOW WOMEN GO THROUGH THEIR ‘THAT TIME OF THE MONTH’ DAYS

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Based on real story.

We, the girls, go through a lot of things everyday. So much so that we start doubting ourselves when we get something easily. We are so much accustomed to pain that if we don’t get it, we pray for it. And one such pain is ‘PERIOD PAIN’!

Taking about myself, I am somebody who is very particular about my cycles and the apps for tracking the date is the evidence to prove it. So, for this month my date was 5th May. Right from the start of the month, I start dreading about it. And just don’t get me started about the anxiety that I have while sleeping on the night of 4th May. Since I had my exams from 7th of May so I was studying and I didn’t realised when I fell asleep. When I woke up in the morning, I was expecting a whole lot of mess down there but to my surprise, it was all clear! From that day, I kept checking a zillion times a day. Whenever I went to the loo, I was dissapointed, strangely. Strangely because I ABSOLUTELY hate periods. Although with every disappointment came a sigh of relief but it was not for a long time.

Days passed and finally my exam day (7th May) arrived. Before going to college, I thought I should not take any risk. “What if my period would start while writing the exam?”, so I went all prepared.

After those three hours of vigorous writing from 3 pm- 6 pm, I came back to my hostel. I was really tired since I just had 4 hours of sleep the previous night and had been studying the whole time, the thought of resting was just dancing on top of my head. But I thought to do laundry and eat some cornflakes before I finally sleep.

After doing all these work, lying on my bed was so relaxing that I don’t have any word to explain it. Listening to some soothing songs, I peacefully slept at 10.

In middle of my sleep, I felt something and immediately realised what it was. My eyes opend wide and I checked my phone. I had just slept for two hours and NOW I will have to get up! The guest had arrived! The whole fucking day, I had my pad on and for one time when I thought I won’t rain, it started to rain! I know that I was hoping it to start a few days back but I was really pissed that time! Not only I had to get up and change, I had to wash clothes too. I was really irritated that time but somehow manage to do it all.

Also, only we women know that, periods do not just brings blood but also a whole lot of things. For starters, pain! It’s not just my lower abdomen but my back and legs are hurting too. So much so that I feel my veins might just pop out. I can’t sit properly neither can I sleep. Since I stay alone in my room, there is no one with whom I can share this. Also it’s way too late to wake my fellow hostel-mates. I decided to eat. People think that I eat because I am a foodie instead I eat because it is my way of releasing stress. I checked the fridge and it had stuffed-brinjals. I was dancing and eating stuffed-brinjals (which I completly hate but was somehow craving for it) in the kitchen, completely enjoying myself. Then I returned to my room. I started to feel really lonely so I decided to watch a comedy bollywood movie ” PHIR HERA PHERI (2000)”. It’s a classic. While watching the movie at 4:00 am, I was laughing. But at the same time, I was crying too. Then when I realised it, I started to laugh on myself while crying! (the wonders that periods make happen, I tell you!)

Then I just couldn’t contain myself, I left my movie and went back to the kitchen and cried my heart-out for a good an hour and so I pacified myself. I revised the drill of the week inside my head and told myself that it would be over soon. When I was done I thought to blog about it. I don’t know why I can’t sleep again, but leave it. Eventually I will sleep.

Pictures from google

Delhi Diary : Small town girl makes her way to the Capital of the country!

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Let me start by telling you about myself.

Hello, my name is Vidisha Kaithal. I’m born and brought up in a small and not so fancy city Allahabad, India. I have recently got admission in a college of Delhi and that’s what brought me to dilwalo ki dilli!

Ever since I had an idea about going to college, I always wanted to have one in Delhi. Delhi has always been my first love, afterall where will you find such an amazing mocktail of history, present and future!

I’ve been here a few times before but then, things were different. I was with my parents, which meant that I didn’t had to worry about anything. I knew that I would get the best possible facilities. Also, I was a kid back then so the tall buildings and zig zag going flyovers just amazed me and that feeling stuck with me to this date.

In my city, Allahabad, I always had this constant pressure to live, behave and do certain things which were approved by certain people. Since all my energies and curiosities were boxed I turned into an introvert. And when I used to be in Delhi, I observed that no body interferes in others life. One can do whatever she/he wants to do, right or wrong. The most important thing was that I could finally take my own decisions!

So before the cut offs were announced, I had little hope that I could make it due to several reasons.

  • I had not scored as I had planned.
  • My family had second thoughts about sending me to an alien place where I had to manage everything from scratch.
  • It is DELHI. It’s believed to be an unsafe place for girls.

I had applied in many colleges and got call back from several of them. One college was a prestigious girls private college from Jaipur. It was good, really good in terms of education. The campus had all sorts of facilities like swimming pool, tennis court etc. One can learn horse riding, shooting and what not. It was built in such a way that one doesn’t needs to go out of the campus. It had restaurants, markets from where you can get anything. Literally anything. My only problem was that the college provided too much security to girls.

I know it’s really good considering the outside world, but I wanted to face the “outside world “. I did not wanted this controlled and protected environment because I was already getting it at home. I want to explore how the world actually functions and interact with different kinds of interesting people and know their stories. I want to explore myself, find what I truly enjoy and make my own way to achieve my dreams. I want to grow up into a confident woman who is always ready to face any problem. And all this is possible only if I could be in Delhi, away from my parent’s shelter!

Since I had little hope to get into that specific college, and also because of my parent’s confused state of mind, I decided to take a solo trip to DELHI from ALLAHABAD.

I was travelled alone for the very first time. I had never even went to a market alone and here was I sitting in train and ready to go to Delhi. Those two days and a night trip was the best trip ever! I wish I could tell what all happened! 😉

Four days later , on 19/6/18, first cut off was released and on that night itself I went back to Delhi and on 20/6/18 I took admission in my dream place/college.

So I can conclude that I didn’t chose the college, I chose the city. Because in both the colleges I was getting my subjects i.e. psychology.

Now a new life, new adventure and lots of drama is waiting for me. After 10 days approximately, I’ll enter in a life which won’t be any less than a reality show! I hope all this takes me to my goal.😇

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Know my real time madness in super fancy place from my instagram – @vidishakaithal

Why you and I are bad bloggers?

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So I have been blogging on and off for roughly 2 two years now but I still consider myself to be a newbie.

The reason for this is, I have not been a regular blogger so I have really not figured it out properly. I have tried and experimented with alot of things and I am still exploring! I’m still trying to figure out what is that I am able to explain or carter best to you guys like another newbie.

What makes me going and keep trying, is my love for blogging! It just gives me so much happiness and unburdens me in a way which is actually magical!

But even after all these emotions involved, sometimes you must have felt, like I do, that we are not good bloggers. This feeling hits me, especially when I have put all my heart and soul to a post but it gets few likes where as a simple good morning of another blogger gets more than needed attention!

So I have come up with 5 reasons because of which I can’t continue blogging or keeps discouraging me

from being a regular blogger! And they are as follows :

1- Bad Grammar

I am an Indian, so naturally English is not my mother tongue. Though I have studied in an English medium school all my life but still, I am not good at it because I have studied it only to fetch decent marks.

I know, I have an alternate option, i. e. Hindi. But I don’t want to limit myself to Indians. The main reason, why I am on wordpress is to know about the diverse cultures and people!

2- NOT INTO BEAUTY AND STUFF

So on social platforms, a girl is generally expected to be a beauty blogger or review beauty products and all. Honestly, being a girl that I am, I am not very much interested in this area. I mean I like getting dressed up and look awwwwwemazing. Maybe I future I also review some products or do something similar but talking, writing and thinking about makeup all the time is just not possible for me. I am not a very makeup person to be very honest so this option is also not for for me.

3- Not rich

So I belong to a decent family where all my necessities and demands are fulfilled. But going out every other day for a week of vacation or to any super expensive restaurant for a meal is absolutely irrational thought. And even though if my parents could afford it, I don’t think they would allow me for it!

4- No expensive equipments

Since I don’t have money as I am still studying and hence unemployed, I can’t afford those expensive cameras or paid photo editing apps. If I could, at least I could be a instagram photographer 😉 Like now a days every other person is.

Btw my instagram account is @vidishakaithal Message me “wordpress” so that I can know you came from here and become better friends! I would loooove that! ‹3

5- Talent

Didn’t you read the title of the post properly? It says

Problems with every new average blogger like ME!

Yes! It says average ! So since I am not a prodigy, my specific skills are not high. And definitely not high in writing! So even though I know all the fancy and decorated words but whenever I need them, they just run and hide themselves to the back of my mind. So my every post eventually turn out to be an average post altogether!

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These are the 5 problems with me. Do you also feel like this sometimes?

Let me know if you could relate with me in the comments section! 🙂